Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
