Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
