ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
