Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
