What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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