just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
