you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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