I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
