I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
