I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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