dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
