Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
