The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
