I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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