as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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