dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
