i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
