hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
