It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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