Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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