So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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