New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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