My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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