nut hugger
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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