even my farts smell like vagina
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
