She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
