im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we made out on top of his cat.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
