Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
