Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
