Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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