someone threw a dead crab at me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
