There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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