I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
