Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
