Acid is not a monday night drug
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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