Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
