Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
