I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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