does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You did what with his pubic hair?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
