my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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