Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
