we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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