how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
