I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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