based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
