My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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