After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
