I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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