i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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