last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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