I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
