just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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